As we near the end of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I feel it necessary to comment on my experience:
It was May of 2001--I had found a lump (about the size of a lime...yeah it was big) and went to my doctor...not something I took the time to do. My sons were aged 5 and 10, I was working full-time, had a home to care for and a marriage that I was trying to make work...I never took the time for myself or even deal with the many stressors I had endured (the year before, I found out about my husbands daughter that was born during our marriage). I had a mammogram (back then, the experts suggested to have the first one at age 40; I was 36) and sonogram. During the sonogram, everyone said that it was probably benign because of the size, so I believed him.
The doctor said that the tumor was too big to let stay in and biopsy; my surgery was arranged to remove the tumor and then biopsy it. I had the surgery and after 2 weeks at home, went back to work--yeah, it was a true surgery, but I knew I needed to get back to work as soon as possible, so I went earlier than I should. The following week, the doctors office left a message for me to call them. I forgot about it; until they called my office. The doctor got on the phone and begin to say, "you have stage 2 cancer...we need to bring you back in to cut around the first incision, test it, and do a body scan to ensure that it hasn't spread. We need to schedule your next surgery within the next week--the hospital will be calling to give you the date and time."
Stunned isn't a good enough word. I know I scared my co-workers because I was so calm; everyone wanted to drive me home. I mechanically told everyone I needed to--my boss, the office administrator--and I went home. I called my husband and my dad and crawled into the bed. I just couldn't believe what was happening. I had only been to the hospital to have children and in a matter of 2 months I would have 2 surgeries. The body scan showed that it hadn't spread and my lymph nodes were clear.
I had my final surgery (a reduction) in September--there was a wait of about 3 months. During that time, I wanted to maintain a level of normalcy for my kids and me. I didn't want to carry the weight of the possibility of being sick. I didn't want to consider what would happen if things had been worse.
All I kept thinking during that time was that God had me and my boys. I had the faith to believe that even if I had to endure hospital stays, physical therapy or any other events, He would see me through it. The pain at time was unbearable--I stayed drugged up early in the process; but when going through surgery, some pain is expected in order to heal.
I used to think: What is the outcome of going through? What is the reason I went through all of this? Now, 13 years later, I realize that God allows us to endure for many reasons: to share with others, to be an example of how to endure, to teach/guide/direct others, etc. I think for me, it's all of the above. God has blessed me to come through this and so many other "events" in my life and I can do nothing but praise him for the strength and even for the shoulder to lean on and for His carrying me when I just didn't have it in me to deal.
I'm grateful for the life God has selected me to live. I continue to strive to do His will and pray that I'm walking in His way.
#praisingHimforstrength
#lookingbackandmovingforward
No comments:
Post a Comment