My Survivor Story

As we near the end of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I feel it necessary to comment on my experience:

It was May of 2001--I had found a lump (about the size of a lime...yeah it was big) and went to my doctor...not something I took the time to do.  My sons were aged 5 and 10, I was working full-time, had a home to care for and a marriage that I was trying to make work...I never took the time for myself or even deal with the many stressors I had endured (the year before, I found out about my husbands daughter that was born during our marriage).  I had a mammogram (back then, the experts suggested to have the first one at age 40; I was 36) and sonogram.  During the sonogram, everyone said that it was probably benign because of the size, so I believed him.

The doctor said that the tumor was too big to let stay in and biopsy; my surgery was arranged to remove the tumor and then biopsy it.  I had the surgery and after 2 weeks at home, went back to work--yeah, it was a true surgery, but I knew I needed to get back to work as soon as possible, so I went earlier than I should.  The following week, the doctors office left a message for me to call them.  I forgot about it; until they called my office.  The doctor got on the phone and begin to say, "you have stage 2 cancer...we need to bring you back in to cut around the first incision, test it, and do a body scan to ensure that it hasn't spread.  We need to schedule your next surgery within the next week--the hospital will be calling to give you the date and time."

Stunned isn't a good enough word.  I know I scared my co-workers because I was so calm; everyone wanted to drive me home.  I mechanically told everyone I needed to--my boss, the office administrator--and I went home.  I called my husband and my dad and crawled into the bed.  I just couldn't believe what was happening.  I had only been to the hospital to have children and in a matter of 2 months I would have 2 surgeries.  The body scan showed that it hadn't spread and my lymph nodes were clear.

I had my final surgery (a reduction) in September--there was a wait of about 3 months.  During that time, I wanted to maintain a level of normalcy for my kids and me.  I didn't want to carry the weight of the possibility of being sick.  I didn't want to consider what would happen if things had been worse. 

All I kept thinking during that time was that God had me and my boys.  I had the faith to believe that even if I had to endure hospital stays, physical therapy or any other events, He would see me through it.  The pain at time was unbearable--I stayed drugged up early in the process; but when going through surgery, some pain is expected in order to heal.

I used to think:  What is the outcome of going through?  What is the reason I went through all of this?  Now, 13 years later, I realize that God allows us to endure for many reasons:  to share with others, to be an example of how to endure, to teach/guide/direct others, etc.  I think for me, it's all of the above.  God has blessed me to come through this and so many other "events" in my life and I can do nothing but praise him for the strength and even for the shoulder to lean on and for His carrying me when I just didn't have it in me to deal.

I'm grateful for the life God has selected me to live.  I continue to strive to do His will and pray that I'm walking in His way.
#praisingHimforstrength
#lookingbackandmovingforward

Stop beating yourself up!!

What a blessing it is to sing Christian music in all types of situations and all types of events!!  Not only do I get the chance to meet different people and have new experiences, the inspiring words that I regularly receive from the sermons, speeches and comments in these various settings have continued to give me strength to keep moving in this awkward, uncomfortable and sometimes just plain scary time in my life.

I remember being thrust into the world of adulthood and never really took the time to consider what was going on with retrospection to learn and move on--I have been one of those who move forward and just get it done.  It works and is very effective, but in not looking at and considering what has been makes for a stress level that is like no other.

I have lived with the stress of being perfect--I've wrestled and struggled with trying to do everything to appear perfect in appearance and whatever job or duty I have been given.  The problem is that I NEVER measure up to MY OWN expectations; so I would continually beat myself up over many aspects of my life, including this new phase in my life that is completely non-traditional and against the family's "Good Goverment Worker" lifestyle.

Have you ever read in the Bible where God says we should be perfect?  If you've seen it, tell me, because I haven't!!  Also, does God or anyone else in the Bible state that there are any material things that will elevate you or consider you to be a success or worthy?

Guilt, unrealistic perfection, perceived failure based solely on loss...too many things bring us down that have NOTHING to do with what God says about what we should do in His word!!!

We need to refocus our attention on what God says instead of what we think or the perceived thoughts and even words spoken by others!!!

Look for Gods validations...they will see you through and keep you going!!
ONWARD
#weareALLasuccess
#Godisblessingandopeningdoorsrightnow